Welcome back to WIPpet Wednesday. As you probably know by now, it is hosted by the fantabulous K.L Schwengel and anyone can play. Post a date-related excerpt of your work in progress and add your link to the blog hop.
My WIPpet this week is a simple 9 paragraphs for the ninth month. No fancy math. Last week I posted my notes on the monsters. That way, you can call foul if I manage to mess up some detail or another. 😉 In Arvid’s last post, she had just managed to convince the monsters to let her have a little potty break…
The throng of monsters finally disappeared. In spite of this concession to her needs, Arvid believed the monsters kept her in sight. Especially if they felt no shyness in regards to their own functions. She found a nice, big bush and buried herself in it to attend to business.
She was right. Seconds after she emerged, they all reappeared. She drew her dagger and crouched into a ready stance. “Thank you for letting me see to that. I’m ready now.”
The monsters nearest her looked around at each other. Mouths opened wide to display serrated teeth. Guttural noises rolled from throats. Tails lashed. Arvid took several deep breaths to calm herself. All she needed to take out was one. Unless they got Oya. Then she needed to take out three. One each for herself, Oya, and Kiano.
“It’s a funny little thing, isn’t it?”
“Tragically confused, more like.”
“Do you think this is the one from the prophecy?”
Arvid whipped her head to the left to gape at monster who spoke last. They knew of the prophecy? “I- am.”
The guttural sounds stopped, the mouths closed, and the tails stilled. The monster stepped toward her. “You are the one sent to start a war? THE war? You…” The spikes along his spine rippled while his expressionless face loomed closer. Arvid struggled to keep her breathing even, wishing his face would give away something of his intentions. He almost whispered, his tone a mingling of disbelief and indignation, “You are the reason thousands of innocents will be slaughtered?”
Arvid strained her neck to look up at the monster while her stomach flip-flopped. “I…” The prophecy didn’t mention a war or any innocents. “I’m supposed to rescue a wizard.”
That photo makes me giggle.
Wow. The monsters put a new spin on the war! I can’t wait to hear Arvid’s answer.
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I really liked the Jurassic Park movies, every one of them. I thought they were well made and had a great balance of suspense and levity. Turns out, though, I must have some deep-seated, instinctive fear of dinosaurs, because they all gave me terrible nightmares even though I didn’t consider them scarey movies. Terrible nightmares. *shudder* Even movies that freaked me out and induced me to leave lights on all night didn’t give me nightmares like the Jurassic Park nightmares.
Hmm… I can’t wait to hear Arvid’s answer either. 😛 I don’t think I gave her a satisfactory one. *shrugs*
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Oh, now that’s interesting! The monsters knew of the prophecy, but they certainly have a vastly different view of it. I wonder if Arvid will be able to come to an agreement with them.
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Nope. No agreements allowed. At least, not yet. 😉
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Nice excerpt! I too like the way “the prophecy” means different things in different cultures.
Just a note: you have one quotation mark too many in the last paragraph.
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Good catch! Thank you. 🙂
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I think this is so meaningful the way you’ve drawn this scene. Arvid comes in thinking the prophecy means one thing and the monsters have a completely different viewpoint. I love novels where you get to see the flip side sometimes and get the story from both perspectives. Nice job!
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Thank you. 🙂 I’ve always found it interesting the way different people perceive the same event. A lot of what seems like simple logic to some people sounds absurd to others. I find that fascinating.
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Even though I’m not doing WIPpet this week, I wanted to make time to come to yours because of of the monsters you said were going to appear.
The Jurassic Park picture works PERFECTLY with this scene! Boy, talk about not wanting to fulfill a prophecy if you’re finding out another species thinks that’s meant to start a war and kill a lot of people 😦
At least they were polite enough to let her do her business! lol, that made me laugh. They have *some* manners then 🙂
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*blush* Thanks. 🙂 That means a lot to me. I hope whatever prevented you this week is either pleasant or soon resolved.
Yeah, that kind of news would shake me. I’ve had a lot of fun with these monsters. They play such a minor role I could probably just cut them, but I kinda like having them around.
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Very cool! I can definitely see where you’ve added some really intriguing descriptions here. Good work! I have a couple of suggestions: 1) rather than identify them as the generic “monsters” all the time how about giving us hints about how they differ from one another. For instance, “the creature with the necklace of teeth around its’ neck” instead of just “the monster.” 2) I’m wondering what their voices sound like when they say: “It’s a funny little thing, isn’t it?”
“Tragically confused, more like.”
“Do you think this is the one from the prophecy?”
Gravelly? Harsh? Squeaking? Rumbling?
Just a thought …. great work, my dear!
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Wonderful advice! Especially about their voices. It’s so nice to have the WIPpeteers around to help out like this. 🙂
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That is SO not the way to find out important information regarding your destiny. Or perhaps it is a matter of perception? Guess we’ll have to wait to find out. Dang it. I’m with Xina on maybe giving us something to tell them apart. Little things Arvid might notice that set them off, one from the other. I like that I’m not sure yet if I should be afraid for her or not. It has me waiting to turn the page as it were.
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Ooh lovely! I’m glad it’s holding your attention.
Perception and fact do get so tangled, don’t they? *wrings hands in wicked anticipation*
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Note for Arvid: Find out what the prophecy IS before proclaiming yourself the Prophesied One! I mean, if toilet habits are so different, it stands to reason they might have different prophesies, too…
I’d also like ways to differentiate the monsters. Even if it’s mostly by size or where they’re standing, I’m thinking that someone as attentive as Arvid would be noting some details by this point, as she gets her bearings…
But I love the uncertainty, and the matter-of-factness about the monsters. They’re rather unimpressed overall with this human female, apparently. I’m thinking this is not at all the reception Arvid thought she’d get!
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No joke! For all she knew, the prophecy could have been about some creature they needed to eat in order to save their species, or something like that. Of course, I never said Arvid was the brightest heroine. 😛 She can’t be good at everything, after all.
I’ll add some differentiation. 🙂 Sometimes I leave out details just because I don’t feel they’re things a person would actively notice if faced with a similar situation. In Arvid’s case, she’s so busy trying to discern signs of aggressive behavior in an unfamiliar species that she won’t notice superficial details like skin color, jewelry, etc. Even so, I’ll add some. Voices, if nothing else.
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No one’s good at everything! =)
I was thinking that she might be more aware of things like voice, size, and position relative to hers, or to the main mass of the group – whether they have a leader or not, I’m thinking she might be instinctively be looking for one to address, rather than having to deal with the group as a whole – cause that seems like a scarier proposition, at least to me!
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Excellent suggestions!
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Happy to help! =D
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